You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
