I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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