The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
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