I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
