It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
