dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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