Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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