you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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