Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
Randomize
