I think im going to throw up on grandma
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
