my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Randomize
