my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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