I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
do nipples grow back?
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
