so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
