He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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