A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
