I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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