omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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