Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
