Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
