I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
