is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
