Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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