I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize