two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
