If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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