everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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