Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
