I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
