a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
