New low: just hacked my moms facebook
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
