the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
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Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
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This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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