Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
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