Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
