from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
