Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Randomize
