Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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