he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.