Texts From Last Night

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  (850): View more from Florida

  One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey

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  (850): One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey http://tfl.nu/owfj
  Replies (45) Good night (674) Bad night (2561)
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  (469): View more from Texas

  There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice

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  (469): There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice http://tfl.nu/r0ns
  Replies (30) Good night (2225) Bad night (1023)
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  (812): View more from Indiana

  I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.

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  (812): I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos. http://tfl.nu/9xke
  Replies (197) Good night (38693) Bad night (1674)
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  (763): View more from Minnesota

  I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.

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  (763): I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it. http://tfl.nu/zncn
  Replies (32) Good night (6786) Bad night (991)
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes

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  (314): i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes http://tfl.nu/8fav
  Replies (17) Good night (979) Bad night (5347)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.

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  (610): so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried. http://tfl.nu/cyhc
  Replies (12) Good night (966) Bad night (5014)
• Favorite

  (602): View more from Arizona

  You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.

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  (602): You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger. http://tfl.nu/mosc
  Replies (4) Good night (2032) Bad night (748)
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?

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  (519): On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend? http://tfl.nu/abvl
  Replies (28) Good night (8232) Bad night (1165)
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  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.

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  (832): Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome. http://tfl.nu/ycrs
  Replies (7) Good night (779) Bad night (1252)
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.

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  (508): You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston. http://tfl.nu/25jx
  Replies (12) Good night (1232) Bad night (542)
• Favorite

  (734): View more from Michigan

  it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party

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  (734): it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party http://tfl.nu/d8h2
  Replies (8) Good night (1477) Bad night (587)
• Favorite

  (979): View more from Texas

  It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.

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  (979): It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina. http://tfl.nu/3krn
  Replies (12) Good night (578) Bad night (624)
• Favorite

  (954): View more from Florida

  Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.

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  (954): Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache. http://tfl.nu/s2zl
  Replies (3) Good night (811) Bad night (296)
• Favorite

  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in

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  (484): he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in http://tfl.nu/1zjs
  Replies (2) Good night (485) Bad night (271)
• Favorite

  (218): View more from Minnesota

  In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.

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  (218): In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first. http://tfl.nu/gyje
  Replies (1) Good night (729) Bad night (233)

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