my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same