life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.