I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.