We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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