There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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