Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
These 25 People Believed Fake Facts For Way Too Long
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog