Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
