How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
did i just pee glitter
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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