I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
