well I can't set my house on fire every night
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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