He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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