They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
