K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
We have started to decorate penises.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Randomize
