I haven't been this sober since birth.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
