I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
