if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
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