Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Randomize
