OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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