yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
pop tarts are not kleenex
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Randomize
