he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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