Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
