What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
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