never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize
