there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Randomize
