I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
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