dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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