I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Randomize
