Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
