**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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