oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Drake has all the answers
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
