I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
