I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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