Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
