If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
