I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
