i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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