I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Randomize
