We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
