Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
It was confusing and full of hummus
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Randomize
