Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
