I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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