i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
