Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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